We are living in a world were self-esteem and respect are highly depending on being successful. Either we aim for a high-flying career, a huge picture perfect family, running marathons, climbing the highest mountains, building the perfect home, juggling 12 balls all at once.
Goals are different but they have all one thing in common: You have to be great. Outstanding even. Mediocrity means failure.
All we need to be successful is to be driven. To give our all. 110% is not enough if you could squeeze out another 5%. If we feel like we can’t make it we call it our weak moments. We need to fix it. We need to be inspired again. We need to be more motivated.
A few weeks back I stumbled over a picture on the internet.
I don’t know anymore where I found it, nor would I want to hate about the post it was included so I recreated it. I was actually looking for a motivational approach to time management or something along these lines when I came across a post containing this picture. I caught myself staring at it for several minutes and all I could think was
“I don’t want this! I don’t want this! I don’t want this! I don’t want this! I don’t want this! I don’t want this! I don’t want this! I don’t want this! I don’t want this! I don’t want this! I don’t want this! I don’t want this! I don’t want this! I don’t want this! I don’t want this! I don’t want this! I don’t want this! I don’t want this! I don’t want this! I don’t want this! “
What was supposed to boost my motivation, give me more energy, provide me with new ideas just knocked me out. And it made me think about my life currently, what drives me, what I am aiming for, what I am chasing after….. And again all I could think was
“I don’t want this! I don’t want this! I don’t want this! I don’t want this! I don’t want this! I don’t want this! I don’t want this! I don’t want this! I don’t want this! I don’t want this! I don’t want this! I don’t want this! I don’t want this! I don’t want this! I don’t want this! I don’t want this! I don’t want this! I don’t want this! I don’t want this! I don’t want this! “
Why did I react so badly?
After all I’ve seen many of those pictures on repeat for a few years. Maybe it hit me so hard because I already felt like I was treading water instead of swimming? Maybe because I was already on my last legs?
And then I realized that it was not only my fatigue but the fact that this picture made me totally angry. Like a steaming hot red furious. Like taking my chair and throwing it through the closed window. Well obviously I didn’t do this because otherwise I would rather be institutionalized and we could probably not talk right now. All I could do was sitting on said chair and stare at the picture. Maybe there was a little steam coming out my ears, you never know…
What made me so angry?
Well let’s have a look at what this picture tells us:
- If you have goals you’ll feel good
- You’ll need to make an effort to get results otherwise you won’t feel good
- If you don’t make an effort you won’t feel good
- If you don’t reach your goals you won’t feel good
- When you feel good you have to make goals in order to keep the good feeling
- No goals, no good feeling
It’s about being productive in order to earn a good feeling. Yeah let’s earn it. Unless it’s not well deserved you don’t have the right to just feel good! But what if I don’t want to be productive all the time? Don’t I have the right to feel good nonetheless?
Maybe my interpretation is a bit harsh and maybe you read the picture totally different and maybe you even find it totally motivating, then good for you. But it triggered only negative emotions in me. Because I felt basically told that if I don’t constantly work towards any goals I won’t be able to feel good. I see this in my clients a lot and also find me being trapped in this kind of thinking from time to time:
I didn’t finish this paper but could have yesterday – I have to feel bad
But if I had finished the paper yesterday I’d feel good now!
I don’t work until the middle of the night and even the weekends – I have to feel bad
But if I had worked until I almost passed out and my social life is non-existent I’d feel good now!
I am leaving work at 5 pm to go to a Yoga class – I have to feel bad and start an hour early the next day or have lunch at my desk in order to compensate
But if I had worked longer and cancelled the Yoga class I’d feel good now!
I don’t feel like working out today? – I don’t make enough of an effort – I have to feel bad
If I had gone to my workout and made the effort I’d feel good now!
I don’t cook all my meals from scratch? – I don’t make enough of an effort – I have to feel bad
But if I made more of an effort and spent more time in the kitchen I’d feel good now
I don’t squat more than my bodyweight but the other girls do? – I don’t get results and have to feel bad
If I had made more of an effort I’d easily squat a truck and that would make me feel good now.
I don’t know what I should do with my life – I have to feel bad
If I had a masterplan for my life I’d finally be happy!
I am not working towards anything I am just working – I am wasting my time – I have to feel bad
If I were productive all the time I’d be happy!
Let’s just bluntly say it out loud:
AND I AM SO SICK OF ALL THIS! This constant need of accomplishments. This never being satisfied with who we are. This never being happy about what we achieved because the next big goal is just around the corner….. and this will finally and miraculously make us happy! How could we ever be happy when what we have, where we are, who we are is never enough? Why don’t we do things just for fun anymore? Why don’t we run anymore but train for a marathon? Why don’t we eat delicious things but nourish for a specific goal weight/ physic? When did the journey stop being the reward?
We’re so horribly driven that we never accept us to just being and feel good about it.
And I am fully convinced that we do NOT feel bad because we are lacking goals, effort, results BUT because we don’t allow us to feel good when we “waste our time”.
BUT we are ALLOWED to feel good even if we’re not constantly working hard, not getting better and faster results and not always thriving for the next big thing. It’s about self-acceptance, self-worth and being honest to ourselves.
Achievement is not a guarantee for feeling good and being happy. It might add to it but is not the ultima ratio!
Don’t get me wrong, I am not against setting goals, working towards them and feeling good for it. But I am all for setting smart goals, ones that make us happy because we want to reach them and not feel obliged to reach them. And when we do reach our goals I am all for sitting back, patting our backs and enjoying what we just did! Not everyone needs to be outstanding to lead a good life and be happy. Mediocrity is normal. Most people are! This lies in the nature of things.
Happy Tuesday friends! Let’s enjoy a little being unproductive and do something just for the fun of it! Can we? Pretty please?
Wow Juli… this post really hit home for me today! I had a mini breakdown last night about my accomplishments (or lack thereof) and trying to define my selfworth by the things that I have done. Part of it was induced by me pretty much being unproductive for the entire long weekend. I felt like I should have been doing SOMETHING with my time and that was/is making me feel bad. But perhaps you have stumbled upon the answer, maybe my accomplishments and production aren’t lacking, maybe what I do is enough and I need to shift my mindset towards accepting that. Thanks for writing this!
I guess we’ve all been there. I really like how Meg put it. Sometimes taking a little time out means taking care of ourselves and this is surely not a waste of time.
I am happy that my post might have been helpful for you.
Oh Juli this was such a fab post and I really needed to read it!
I am so bad for things ‘never being enough’ – I will give 110% to everything I do but then question myself, feeling like it was never quite enough. Or I achieve my goals and rather than celebrating I just move on the next one. My enough IS enough and I must realise that rather than beating myself down. 🙂
😀 Thank you so much Jen! You are definitely enough! Stop beating yourself up about this! You’re doing such fab things. You’re so strong! Promise me that next time when you do something great to just enjoy it and be happy about it!
Much needed to be honest….As fancy as living overseas might be, it’s always the comparison of never being enough.. ALL the time!
You need to stop being so harsh to yourself. All the doubt and hesitation, it will paralyze you if you let it grow too strong. Buddy, you’re still in a transition phase. All this is kinda new. Give yourself some time to adapt and establish a new routine.
I loved this, especially this part: “When did the journey stop being the reward?” You see this all the time and for me the journey is the reward. I don’t always follow it but I learned a few years ago to step back and have some fun, even if that means doing nothing or watching lots of Netflix. I think we forget that relaxing is a form of taking care of yourself and that should be the real goal. Take care of yourself by eating well including chocolate, sleeping lots, moving your body some, relaxing, rejoicing, reading and reveling in the moment
I read this post what felt like a 100 times before publishing it to make sure everything made sense. And this is my favorite phrase as well. My personal quintessence 🙂
I know your approach toward this whole topic and you’re kind of a role model for me when it comes to balance (though I hate this term). I really like your relaxed attitude and especially towards the learning in process!
I love this post and I did a past about 6 weeks ago along the same lines about enjoying progress without always having to have a destination. I agree, people get lost in needing more and more achievement and praise (self or externally) that they miss out on life in the present and enjoying what they already have accomplished. I think the minute we set that “bullying” motivation into our minds we are asking to be unhappy. Will never be rich enough, smart enough, thin enough, happy enough! If you’re interested in reading it here’s the link http://beetsperminute.com/can-you-make-progress-without-destination/
Thanks for sharing this, Juli! <3
Hi Erin I finally read your post about this and I second it all 1000%. Years ago I was the same… if only I weiged x pound less… I’ve finally come over this but the bad seed of this mindset just found another host like productivity, career….
I think asking ourselves what we really want and making healthy choices for our lives whether on the physicl or mental side ist just the key to being happy.
Have a lovely weekend and thanks for chiming in <3