Wait what? It’s New Year’s Eve already???
Okay, here’s the thing, I secretly love to be all uuuh and aaaah and I really enjoy to be shamelessly stereotype so here here we go: HOW CAN THIS YEAR BE OVER ALREADY????? The simple answer is: It happenes…. like every 365,25 days to be precise.
Boom! You didn’t see that coming!
Okay, I get a grip now!
This is not going to be a review post in the traditional way but I intend to do something a bit different instead. Why is this not a typical review post? Well, the year flew by, passed in a blurr and I have trouble picking special moments because
a) everything just mingled together in the awesome feeling of a pretty darn fantastic year
b) there was just too much goodness to make this one post that doesn’t take you a total of 25 minutes to read and bore you to death and
c) I just don’t like those end of the year review posts that much!
So instead of compiling a link list of all good that had happened and all the great recipes I created or tested and loved I seize the opportunity to speak a little of myself instead. Yeah I know I am pretty full of myself today but I promise I have a few wise words and uncanny insights for you! I warned you, indeed pretty full of myself today!
But now jokes aside. This year has been a wonderful one for me. As much as I had dreaded to turn 30 the better it had turned out to be. I mean nothing magical happened and it took a little work on my side but in the end it was ridiculously easy to feel so much better with myself. And because I am such a generous person I am going to share the 5 things that made my life so much easier in 2015 out loud! Here you go…
1. I stopped fighting myself
I think this is actually the biggest and most important. I mention this first because it has a direct impact on the 4 other things. I have a history of fighting myself and beating myself up for all possible reasons as long as I can remember. Whatever I did I never felt quite good enough. I felt not diligent enough, not structured enough not driven enough… and a million other things not enough. And I tried to fight me into doing better always failing, always feeling like a looser in the end. It was very early in 2015 when out of the blue a realization hit me. I don’t know where it came from but it dawned to me that
Fighting yourself means you’ll always lose somehow – one way or the other!
When I am my own enemy how could I ever leave any battle unscratched? How could I ever expect to win? Sounds pretty logic, right? So why the hell did it take 30 years to understand that?
I decided to give me a breather. And in the process I somehow managed to acquire a really freeing I DON’T GIVE A FUCK attitude. I am not fighting myself anymore. I do what I do as good as I can and that must be good enough. And let me tell you something: I feel more positive and I have more time and energy to concentrate on things that make me happy. The whole beating-myself-up-shit just costs you so much energy and brings you only negativity!
2. I decided to be happy
I mean this concept is not new and I have read about it before but never quite understood how this could work for me. I am a person that always lives in the future. I am living for the weekend, for the next month when I expect work to slow down (what never happens) and my next travel adventure. Until this summer this was always accompanied by the feeling that I will be happy then! The ugly truth is that it doesn’t work that way.
Last year I was living for my summer vacation for over 6 month. Every time I felt unhappy I though about my upcoming holiday and tried to convince myself that I’d be happy once I had set foot on Canadian soil. My vacation came, we had a good time and yet I was not happy. I couldn’t believe it! Seriously???
But I am a pigheaded person and stubbornly forced me to be happy by just deciding to be happy. NOW! And as stupid as this sounds, it worked. And it still works back home. Nothing will miraculously make you happy. It must come from within yourself. I find me little things now. A steming hot mug of coffee, a few minutes of solitude, anything works.
3. I accepted to be an introvert
This is actually pretty new to me and it still makes me a little too excited but understanding and accepting how I work has been a huge relief for my life recently. I have always thought that I am an ambivert holding some introvert as well as some extrovert traits. In my head I couldn’t be an introvert as I always assumed introverts must be shy and quiet and I am really not shy at all and I love to talk! A few weeks back I took one of these personality tests out of curiosity and was a bit baffled by the result: textbook introvert!
I researched more and read some scientific articles about it and so much I have always struggled with makes sense now. The feeling of my brain shutting down when there’s too much bustle, needing my space and alone time, big gatherings that make me uneasy, being too intense, my struggle to make friends, seeking depth rather then width in anything…. I could go on forever. But realizing that this is just the way I am and that this is down to brain chemistry and not me behaving stupidly freed me immensely.
I am an introvert badass! Deal with it!
4. Speaking about my emotions
I have mentioned on here before that I always have the feeling that other people perceive situations differently than I do and also react differently than I react. In the sense of not fighting myself and also not alienating my friends and family anymore I have started to explain my often perceived strange behavior by verbalizing my emotions. I have come to the conclusion that this can come in handy from time to time.
So for example instead of just snapping at someone out of the blue I try to say: Look, I feel really stressed by X/ I am really annoyed by Y, probably more than I should, so please give me a few minutes to get a grip again. I’ll come back to you later.
Or instead of just sulking or wallowing in self-pity I try to say: Z really got me down, I need some time to get it out of my system and I appreciate that you want to help me but a few minutes for myself is all I need./ Thanks for listening to my rant, Z really got me down and I needed to get it out of my sytem. Now I am good again.
It’s amazing how different people react once they can reason with your behavior even when they can’t relate to it at all. So this maked communication a lot easier for me.
5. Saying NO!
I was raised to be polite. But sadly that comes together with my urge to make other people’s problems my own and to help wherever I can. This usually results in me saying YES to whatever people ask me for and even offer help even though I have barely the ressources to get my own shit done.
This year there were a few points when I just couldn’t fit it all in anymore. I too have my boundaries and limitations and I needed to value them in order to maintain my sanity and physical health. So reluctently I tried to speak that one syllable…
And guess what, nothing happened!!!!! The earth didn’t stop turning and the hell didn’t freeze (as far as I know) and nobody hates me either – not more than before at least. I turned down invitations, I only went to one Christmas party, I didn’t make EVERYTHING possible and it felt good. Nobody ever accepts my limitations when I don’t accept them in the first place.
So okay that is all not new. You’ve most possibly heard all of it in different contexts before but all I want to say that this hasn’t to be all empty words. For me it all worked at least to an extend.
I won’t pretend I am super happy all the time just because I want to or that I don’t beat myself up about silly things from time to time. Neither can I say I wouldn’t go way too far again for making things work for other people nor will I never snap again at someone completely out of the blue. It’s normal. We’re all just human. But accepting certain things and acting accordingly can make life a lot easier and in the end all I can say about 2015 is:
Thanks, 2015 was a great year. By doing somethings for myself and stopping to be so hard on me my life became a lot easier this year and I like myself a great deal better than in 2014!
Happy New Year to you all! Let’s make 2016 awesome!