They say Crossfit is a cult and Crossfitters are pretty weird people who talk pretty weird shit ALL THE TIME. Bluntly speaking they say Crossfitters are self-righteous jerks (haha pun intended). So far I’ve shrugged that away always believing I don’t take part in that cult shit and that I stayed pretty normal. Or relatively normal depending on the kind of normal you use as a reference. But I digress…
Lately I’ve noticed behavior that makes me question whether the cult has caught up with me. Let’s do this out loud!
First things first: I don’t see me as a Crossfitter and I don’t call me Crossfitter either. I do Crossfit. End of story. Maybe this is because I feel like this most of the time when I am at the gym
But nevertheless maybe you don’t have to be the embodiment of an Crossfit athlete to play along!
1. I catch myself massaging my tight muscles in public!
When you do Crossfit you are in constant pain. And if it’s not a horrible soreness there’s at least a muscle that’s pretty darn tight. So a few weeks back when I was sitting on the train to Munich I realized a guy staring at me. Then I realized what might be the reason for this. I was absent-mindedly staring out of the window and massaging my really tight chest muscle from the bazillion push-ups from the day before. Facepalm!
2. I am not ashamed of inappropriate sounds in public anymore!
During a workout people make funny and
sometimes most of the time even pretty inappropriate sounds. Imagine groaning and moaning and sighing. Yes sometimes it’s borderline pornographic. I have always been more of the silent sufferer but apparently this is not anymore. A few weeks back I creeped out one of our neighbors when I walked up noisily dragged myself up the three flights of stairs to our apartment after a workout of heavy squatting. His face was priceless! Still Facepalm!
3. I let people poke parts of my body!
Hey, it’s the only way to proof (to myself and the world) that I have abs. Or a biceps. Sue me!
4. Squatting everywhere!
Haha this is actually something I really enjoy. You can easily read all the labels from the groceries on the bottom shelf without ruining your back or having to get up and down all the time. So far I’ve been caught poking out my butt by several strangers, by my husband who’s not so secretly laughing at me when I do this and a family member who matter of fact stated I wouldn’t have a problem with using a toilet in Asia. I don’t even realize it anymore and I certainly don’t want to talk about it. Facepalm!
5. My clothes don’t fit anymore and I secretly like it!
When I first realized that my blouses didn’t fit me anymore I freaked out. Simultaneously I realized that I had stopped wearing proper jeans. This send me over the edge. For maybe two days. Then I started to like it. I haven’t worn a non-strechty pair of pants for 9 month and all my blouses are sleeveless now. I gave all my blazers to my sister and go with Nike pants and Reebok shirts (stretchy sleeves) as much as possible. And I love it. I have huge arms and a big butt and I’ve never felt more comfortable in my clothes before. As long as you don’t make me to wear proper jeans at least! I hope leggings never go out of style. This might cause me some problems! And bikini shopping is hell but luckily that’s something I don’t need to do very often.
6. I stopped hiding my bruises!
When I first started Crossfit I tried to hide my arms and legs as much as possible. And let’s not forget the marks you get from cleaning that awkwardly resemble strangle marks. When people saw my bruises they looked. And I was afraid people might think I was living in an abusive relationship. Now I see them as battle marks and don’t hide them anymore. My shins are spotted in different shades of red and blue, I have whip marks and my hands look like those of a construction worker. But who cares. It’s darn hot and after all I don’t live in an abusive relationship! I just do Crossfit – sue me!
7. I lift stuff the right way!
Squat down, shoulders back down, straight back, pile up the stuff and then squat up again. I love it. It’s better for the back and I never have to go twice to carry up all my groceries. I often carry more than Stefan when we go shopping because I want to. It’s great. I love to be strong. Though I’ve never poked out my butt so much! Facepalm!
8. I talk weird lingo!
Oh yes this finally IS something that really embarrasses me. The weird lingo! I would have never ever in a million years thought I would use words like ‘Thruster’ and ‘Snatch’ in a casual conversation say ‘jerk’ or talk about ‘Karen’ or ‘Cindy’ without referring to an actual person. Yet I doooooooo! And a few weeks back I even asked a friend (and I actually really laughed at myself about this) “How much do you bench?” Facepalm, facepalm, facepalm!
Okay even though I am making fun of it all of this is kinda fine by me. I might have moved a little deeper into the cult by now but I am sure it’s not too late for me! Please people if I ever start to hashtag #crossfitfamily or don’t eat Ben an Jerry’s anymore because I am afraid to ruin my form please don’t be afraid to do this with me: