I started this post without knowing where it would take me. So this is some real and true thinking out loud. I won’t edit after I finished I will just post it and hopefully gain some insights I can work with.
The thing I want to talk about is honesty and the both worlds I am part of: Real Life vs. The Blog World.
I know this is a discussion that often arises especially when there are people who only show picture perfect scenes from their lives. But if you follow me for a while you know I am never sugar-coating anything and I lead a pretty ordinary life with ups and downs. So I am not gonna discuss being true on your blog here but to be true about the Blog in the Real World.
In the Blog World I am always honest and speak my mind. I always say what I think here open and free. I sometimes even think I am overly honest and I need to remind myself to keep some glory details to myself 😉 This is so weird and I actually don’t think non-bloggers understand that you can easily be so truly so publicly while you are not sharing all those thoughts and personal stuff with friends and family at the same time. Heck sometimes even I don’t really understand it.
And it’s also pretty weird that there are some people out there who know you better than some of your friend, even those who you consider to be close friends. The fact is most of my friends don’t know so much personal stuff about me! I have no real secrets but I guess if I was a puzzle most people in the Real world would only have one, maybe two pieces of it.
And on the other hand I feel like I live a lie. Because I don’t tell people in my real life that I blog. Even though I am doing this for over two years now.
In the beginning I thought I just needed to get a little more comfortable with it and then I would tell them. I grew comfortable with it but never told them. Then I was just happy that I had some place I didn’t have to share with anybody else – though I see how absolutely crazy this sounds when I am typing this. I am still enjoying this as my sweet little escape.
Now it just feels absolutely too late to tell them.
There are two things that hold me back as far as I can say:
- I know for a fact that there are people in the real world, especially family, who won’t understand that I share my life with anyone who wants to read it. I mean literally anyone. You all could be creepy fat old man with a potbelly sitting in a semi-dark room with nothing but a dirty fine-rib vest on. Okay now I am officially scared! Chances are good you’re not all at least!
- I really fear that I would always question myself and double-check how much of myself I really want to share with the people I know in real live. And this sounds the craziest ever! Especially since it’s only half-true. Because when anybody asks me a personal question I will always answer honestly. I am not a private person. I share stuff. Okay there is a line of course but everything I talk about here is not off-limits in real life as well. Still I waver.
Why do I need the Blog World so much? This place I don’t want to share? The cynic in me whispers it’s because I can be a different person here. The truth is I am exactly who I am here. So there must be more to this.
This is my creative outlet – a place where I can try new things and share the outcome.
This is my therapy – a place where I can get my act together by talking about the things that keep me sleepless some nights.
This is my own little world where I make the rules as I go – a place where I speak about the stuff that is important to me! I am interested in various things people in my real life bear only little relation to. I think besides Stefan nobody ever only heard of coconut flour. When I mention that I make my own nutbutter I quickly become the organic pussy. When I take a photo of my food people often give me the look. Though I have to admit that it’s easier to blend in since ‘selfie’ has become a word you even hear on the news. This is not the other’s fault. I just found myself people I can share my thoughts about those kinda things with. And coincidentally I found those people online.
This is a place for personal growth – I’ve come so far in the last two years. From a frightened and weak little chicken that counted the three grains it was picking on over the whole day to a strong person who is much happier and more relaxed about all the things life will bring her.
So when this place has done so amazing things to me isn’t it natural that I shield it like crazy from my real world? but why do I feel like I am lying? And if that’s such a problem for me why don’t I just tell them? Is it because others won’t understand? Is it also something else?
And is it really appropriate to label the Blog World as an opponent to the Real World? In my case it’s probably even the contrary. Oh gosh I must be mad! Totally bonkers!
And so I am sitting in my little blog bubble leading sort of double life which has become pretty easy over the time. I am good at keeping the one world separated from the other. I rarely slip anymore. Though the feeling of lying to people grows.
Now I have nothing more to say. The deeper I dig the more questions arise! Maybe you can help me to sort some of the stuff out!
When did you tell people about your blog?
How did they react?
Why am I such a scared chicken?